Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
