just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
