I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she looked like the before picture.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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