the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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