Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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