i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
