Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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