Define "chronic" masturbator.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
