I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
