Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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