The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
