I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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