You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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