We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
