Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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