I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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