i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pants are for mortals
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