She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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