Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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