Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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