Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
