My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize