you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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