she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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