is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
