The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
