I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
