so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
