Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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