its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
