she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
