i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You had me at "let me see your balls"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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