I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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