i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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