That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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