I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
