i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
