we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
