4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
