The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
