You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
