I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
