We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize