I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
