non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize