she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
