I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
