what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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