you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
