Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
