Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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