I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The police scanner is talking about you again....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
