And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
