Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
