he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
