I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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