Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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