I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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