Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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