I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the liver wants what the liver wants
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
